<--- from the sunrise at my 'rents place...i've been enjoying the beauty of sunrise this semester. May light dispell darkness!

The name of this is “Standing Inside the Fire” because I don’t believe in sitting out on things because you are scared of getting hurt (well, sans group sports).

“We call them fools Who have to dance within the flame Who chance the sorrow and the shame That always comes with getting burned…Life is not tried, it is merely survivedIf you’re standing outside the fire.”

The last few weeks have been exhilarating, however very much along the lines of chancing sorrow to have danced within the flame, as it were. My kids here at UF are an incredible bunch, as are the atl girls, my new friends at union, the people who make up my history in Clearwater, etc, etc. The decision to dive into life and not settle for half-hearted friendship or love is making this time hard. Just to be clear, I have no regrets about becoming so intertwined with people or the decision to leave…it’s just hard. I have been reading a book about women workers where I’m headed and one recurring theme is the creation of a new identity as you move into a society very much segregated by sex, a different language and focused on community, and having to give up your old identity from the states. When I have thought about the concept of dying to myself in the past it has always been something I thought of as giving up selfish ambition, seeking my own advantage, pride, possessions, dreams, etc. Now I am realizing at this time in my life the calling to die to myself is cutting deeper – it is literally meaning – to die to me. The concept I have of myself and my individual identity is really important to me as an American. We spend countless hours devising this thing that we define ourselves as and that is to be relinquished. Am I willing to become anything for His sake? Even a different concept of myself? It was shared with me by a pretty wise chica today that there is an awful lot to each of us and that every time we give up something of ourselves there is something new uncovered and we will be amazed at the versatility God has given us. I find a degree of comfort and excitement in knowing that God is changing me – not just on the fringes, but fundamentally. At the same time, all of this is coming in one package and it’s a lot of change to think about at once!

The language practice at lunch w/ my new friends is going really well. We have fun and I have been able to share some neat things with them along the way. It’s been an awesome blessing the last week.

So while I find myself crying at some pretty random moments and I struggle through, I am blessed by many encouragers and warriors around me. Thanks to all who are constantly in my corner. You are indeed making a difference. I continue to wish for us to be even more mixed up by God and to be fighters like this:

Amy's gone
And time rolls on
How far? How fast? How long?
The last time we saw Amy
She was headed for the shore
Fighting off the volatile gray skies
She said now begins forever
And that no one knows their time
We bid farewell not knowing
That might be our last goodbye
Amy was a fighter
She cut like Casius Clay
She burned like a fire
Despite these rains
Where time was a question
She only knew one song
She's singing, "How far, how fast,
how long?"
Salvation is a fire
In the midnight of the soul
It lights up like a can of gasoline
Yeah, she's a freedom fighter
She's a stand up kind of girl
She's out to start a fire
In a bar code plastic world
When everything stops moving
And I stop to catch my breath
And ride my train of thought
All the way round
My thoughts return to Amy
And the fire she's begun
She came when we were freezing
And left us burning up
-Amy's Song, Switchfoot