this picture is from the beach trip i took this week of a little girl of one of the couples here and it reminded me of an email i wrote recently, but it's what i've been learning...
mostly i have been learning about community - even still. one of the most important lessons i've learned is about keeping a soft heart and not fighting against what i don't understand about this culture with a defensive nature. it breaks my heart to look around and see all these people perishing. sarcasm and bitterness seem to be two of our biggest defense mechanisms in trying to prevent our hearts from becoming entangled and broken again and again by the people around us here. the father has been reminding me that his heart's broken and mine will be too. it's possible to live here and endure without mocking the people behind their backs, even when they aren't efficient or all those other things westerners value (besides the whole relig--s side, which is just sad). sarcasm and defensiveness aren't the only tools for survival. so i've been learning about how although i've been hurt by a lot of ppl the last few months staying vulnerable and being kind, patient, not insisting on my own way, believing, hoping, trusting and enduring all things is really important. and i've decided it's worth the risk of getting hurt to instigate and live in community. i feel like this is a choice i'm always making though. like i'll decide it's worth it, get burned, and then recoil and have to decide all over again that loving people relentlessly is worth it, whether i ever see compassion reciprocated or not. so i guess all that to say - i'm back and excited about continuing to love and invest in people back in the states, around the world and here even when it's not easy. that's how the father's made me to be. i've been a little scared to keep living my life out that way, but i'm conviced it's worth the risks involved.
besides all that i've been really excited about digging more and more in the OT on account wanting to learn the stories better and also the parallels b/t their laws and Lev. are like insane. they really are striving for rightsnss and closeness to the father, and without the free gift that's been put on my life i'd be in the same boat. that realization and study has also helped me hold my tongue on all my frustrations with watching my friends striving so hard yet continuing to trip and stumble over rules that don't satisfy.
the sunset from the beach:
this is our mexican night! we had rice, homemade tortillas (i have a super easy GOOD recipe if you want it), guacamole, chips, and beans and corn. my word, so delicious! we can't get all that stuff regularly so it was very exciting...
2 comments:
The things you say encourage me. Thank you for loving ppl in the states too!
isn't it weird how long it takes us to learn something and actually get it down? i've been seeing that in my life lately- like why does this take so long and cause so much pain before it becomes ingrained?
i guess becoming like him is counter to the pressures around us, i don't know exactly...but i'm working on it...
and that food looks amazing!! i want the recipe for the tortillas if you can send it.
thanks!
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